in relation to angie

beautiful story of a cracked pot

2011-03-03T12:53:00.001Z

as shared by sheryl in her yf update.

The Cracked Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his masters house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your masters house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts." The pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the masters house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pots side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my masters table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, our flaws are used to grace life's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty.

Know that in our weakness we find our strength.

gradually, a world without books

2011-02-16T07:42:00.002Z

borders to file for bankruptcy

if you love books like i do, do something about this. BUY BOOKS AND READ.

with or without you, zouk version

2011-01-13T15:03:00.003Z

sorry if all i do here now is to post songs...but since most of my friends are musicians, im sure you understand when i say music and lyrics oftentimes speak better than me.

im sorry

2011-01-11T21:32:00.000Z

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Antony - No Me Ames

to whom it may concern

2010-12-17T05:55:00.003Z

if some day, someone out there would like to propose to me, try melting my heart with this

Marc Anthony - I Need You (Official Music Video).

just saying.

Madonna - Broken (I'm Sorry) High Quality 2010

2010-12-05T00:14:00.001Z

and that's why madonna is queen.

there's a reason why people retweet

2010-11-23T10:56:00.003Z

a lot of people have been posting this link on fb, and i think it's a good reminder for myself too, because im not making the most out of my time here...which i will live to regret, i think.

what teatime was made for

2010-11-10T13:36:00.001Z

my american flatmate doesn't like teacakes.

OMG! how can anyone not like teacakes!

fyp suggestions, anyone?

2010-08-17T19:24:00.003+01:00

is there anyone who will comfort me saying that i will not vomit blood and guts by doing merlin for my fyp, with the primary sources being geoffrey of monmouth's vita merlini, le morte d'arthur and chretien de troyes? i didn't take arthurian lit last sem, why the hell did i not? i hate timetable clashes. then again after looking at the syllabus they concentrated primarily on arthur/launcelot/grail, which is not that related to my possible choice of topic. wonder whether i'll regret it.

i've been adviced to stick to what im already familiar with and enjoy - chaucer. i think so too, but then that'll mean that my knowledge of medieval lit is centred primarily on one man's work, with a couple o' pokes into langland, mallory, pearl poet etc. not very cool is it? then again, since i know i'm never gonna do masters in lit, why bother so much with expanding my repertoire, why not just concentrate on the one author whom i've scored well in?

but that's not what learning is about, is it? damn grading. it interferes with my learning.

for pain or pleasure

2010-08-11T18:42:00.002+01:00

i think it was last weekend that i stayed over at amos', to maximise whatever time i have left. the morning after, i encountered his sister on my way to the toilet - without so much as a 'good morning', she blurted out coldly 'did you ask your parents for permission?' i muttered yes, rolled my eyes and went on my way. on second thoughts, i should've replied 'of course not' and winked at her - i think that might just set her off. too bad, slow-working brain in the morning.

today, in his room, amos told me that after i went home, his sister complained to his parents about me staying over, and he got told off by the parents for being 'immoral' etc. in response i told him i would start moaning fuck me very loudly and see what would happen. mostly, he stopped me, because, as he rightly argues, he would be the one facing the music, not me. and besides, why further wreck my so-called indecent reputation for nothing at all?

and i think, i don't care anymore. i should like to let them know that i've had other boys stay over before and have their over-imaginative minds compensate for the action i did not get. today it struck me that his family will be the kind which, if they have a daughter who gets raped, the mother-father-karen ensemble will likely disown her for shame.

except for my family's lack of salvation, im glad not to have been brought up in a stifling christian home environment. God knows there are more repressed souls suffering under the yoke of religion than being free from the weight of sin.

happy birthday singapore!

2010-08-09T16:38:00.001+01:00

sony bloggie or creative vado?

2010-07-21T03:43:00.002+01:00

hello blog, are you not mouldy yet? if there're still any readers out there...blame blogger for the lack of updates - somehow my posts get deleted before they are published which makes me go grrrrrr.

read the first line of the first book of artemis fowl and it makes a poor first impression.
'Ho Chi Minh City in the summer. Sweltering by anyone's standards.'
poor research, is it not? Vietnam has no summer. when unlucky enough typhoons blow over from South China, but that's monsoon season, not anything less of an eternal summer.

not so much a world cup

2010-07-03T18:23:00.002+01:00

it seems like this world cup is dominated by the european powerhouses, and im not thrilled about that. would've been nice to see a nice mix of african, south american and european teams into the finals... the south africans are also lamenting the fact that the big spenders (namely, the americans and japanese) are outta the game too early and their tourist receipts are falling drastically...well at least supporters from germany and the netherlands and spain will be around for some time.

KE$HA - Mr. Watson

2010-05-26T16:41:00.003+01:00

as recommended by peiying.

for a certain prof scott :D

heeheehee

2010-05-26T15:10:00.002+01:00

peanuts strip by charles schulz - click for clearer image

that's so me. but only plain pages please! i remember a time back in hull when i asked my friends whether i should invest in a paperchase notebook or a moleskine, since they cost only about a pound apart. my friends looked at me, jawdropped, and said, are you retarded or what? obviously a moleskine?

but paperchase is so colourful.

lost fancies

2010-05-02T18:59:00.002+01:00

do you sometimes feel that a find should belong to you, and when other people take it up, you began, reluctantly, to resent that find, and then put the blame on those people? one of my absolute favourite hymns used to be 'before the throne of god above'. i first heard it at ms chiam's wedding in 06, and i liked the words and music so much that i shared it with various church friends. all of them, excepting amos kudos to him, were suspicious of the song, saying its too contemporary et cetera. ok, perhaps the version i gave them was a little pop, but nobody would listen to me when i said the lyrics are brilliant. granted, too, that given my status as a christian who leaves much to be desired they were right to be suspicious, but besides that, do none of them have minds of their own? so this year, someone (was it mark?) introduced the song to the congregation, and the church choir took it up, and oh, surprise surprise, various people began citing this song as one of their favourites. when amos told me about it i was like, oh, retards, took them like four years to catch up. then i think the last straw was when i was stalking amos' sister's fb using his account (she loves privacy oh so much) and saw those beautiful lyrics in her 'quotations box' and my skin crawled. i daresay if i introduced her to that song four years ago she'd be one of those who can't think. you can say, charity is indeed far away from my breast right now. sometimes i feel the same way regarding jeannette winterson. i first read her, in j2 perhaps? i picked up 'the world and other places' randomly at the library, and i fell in love with her. her books are being taught in various courses, contemporary lit and contemp women's for a start, and suddenly a large handful are quoting her...i admit she is immensely quotable. but i don't blame my fellow lit students like i do the church people, at least they know a good thing when they come across it.

i have a happier anecdote regarding the song though. in my first week in uk, i was unsure of which church to attend, and i...i asked for a sign (again, another faux pas to bible-presbyterians, church split or no), anything to make me know instinctively this is the church i'm meant to be in. the first service i attended at st john, we had 'before the throne of god' as the opening hymn. i knew from the off that this is the place to be, and i've never regretted that choice - regretting only that i began attending evening services only after easter, and not making it for the youth meetings until my final 2 weeks in hull.

weeks ago, mark preached 'the foolishness of god' at the evening service. a week later i checked the st john website and HAHA melvin preached on the same subject, using the same scripture text. i didn't ask for a sign this time, but perhaps it is one...

to the south of france

2010-04-20T16:27:00.003+01:00

check this out.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/entertainment/view/1051363/1/.html

so, provided my parents and i didn't get edited out:( im in it! for like 1 second! (i.e. i walked past behind the guy aha while my parents were part of the general crowd).

a new world, indeed

2010-04-10T16:54:00.004+01:00

on this night on the eve of the acband concert, i sit at my desk with a blank sheet of construction paper in front of me, alongside coloured pens, paper cutter, all the works. and it remains blank, because of the one section member i have, i hardly know, and i don't have anything remotely earnest to say to her. sincere, yes, but nevertheless meaningless.

i also thought it'd be good to have a camera, because concerts = camwhoring sessions to the max, and i miss my camera a lot. (i hope all sorts of bad things happen to the person who stole my camera, particularly when using it.) then, my heart sank when i realised i don't really have anyone to take pictures with. not that i don't have friends in the current alumni band, but i think a large part of my band life consisted of the people in my section, and now that they're not around, there's a heartbreak every time i pick up a euphonium.

it is perhaps fitting that the first time i return to play in the alumni without my friends (whom i always hide behind, thx) we are playing dvorak's finale 'from the new world'.

nostalgia aside, i shall be very glad after |5| of finale tomorrow, when i am done butchering the eupho soli accompanying the very nice clarinet part. to benpooi, jlee and other clarinetists, i am profoundly sorry.

sexy bacha

2010-03-25T15:36:00.004Z

i seem to like blogging when i have essays to write. i used to think bachata was sexy and romantic, but i've since changed my mind about the romance after watching mattias and hanna dance at the swing party. you know how fast a lindy can be, and all these couples are swinging madly on the dance floor, and suddenly i see hanna and mattias in a corner, slow dancing amidst the wild swing-outs. i was overcome with emotion at that point and i teared a little. it was a truly beautiful.

nevertheless, bachata is still sexy and fascinating to watch, so check out these videos.

here's gary, whom i learnt salsa from, dancing a social (as in, unchoreographed) bachata

and here's daniel and nicole at a competition.

im psyching you up for:

En La Pasión 2010 -“Obsesión”
GRAND PARTY @ ZOUK
Date: 3rd April
Time: 7pm till late
Venue: ZOUK, 17 Jiak Kim Street

Dress Code: RED
*First 50 guests in RED will receive a special goodie bag

Ticket Pricing:
$25 (till 28th March 2010, Sunday)
$30 (29th March 2010 onwards)

*All tickets inclusive of 1 drink + access to Zouk after the event.
**Additional drinks going at 1 for 1 before 12.00 am

Please note:
• Drinks must be redeemed before 12.00 am at Zouk
• Last entry is at 10.00 pm.
• Ticket sales at the door will cease at 10.00 pm.
• 18 years old minimum entry age. Photo ID required and club rules apply.

[UPDATE: i bought tickets for this under peer pressure...plus my friend's competing! so if you're interested but afraid that you'd have nobody to go with, i'll be there! itz gonna be my first time in zouk. omg.]

oh no, no ngugi

2010-03-18T13:26:00.002Z

my essay is due in exactly 12hours! and of course i haven't started on it yet. sigh. it's gonna be a long night. (the longest night will probably go to shakespeare this sem.) why do i always start on my essays on the day itself? im rather afraid of fyp. ok so the lit people have until april 5 to do their fyps. i know of one senior who finished it last sem (wtf right), one senior who wrote 8k out of 10k, and i know one WHO HASN'T STARTED. that sounds like me next year and im terrified.

and i must be mad because i have a sudden desire for snakebite(black). i wonder whether you can get it in singapore.

tmr night the bellygals are gonna get-together, and i can't be there because of alumni band?!? that being said i don't know whether i'll even be awake for alumni band if i am gonna be up all night now.

and prettiest costume goes to:

2010-03-03T06:35:00.003Z

miki ando! for the striking (and stunning) egyptian-themed dress.

the standings are as such:
gold kim yu-na
silver mao asada
bronze joannie rochette.

read about joannie rochette at 'world cries and smiles with joannie rochette' i haven't watched the complete skate yet, but even watching the highlights made me tear. joannie's mother passed away of a heart attack on her way to vancouver to watch joannie skate, and joannie was so brave to skate so strongly to a medal in her mother's honour. the world salutes her.

swingin' and hoppin'

2010-03-01T18:46:00.003Z

so, i volunteered at a dance camp (i ended up not doing much and am feeling guilty about it). the instructors for the weekend included the six below, who were all fantastic. i had so much fun, i can't believe i was dreading it and thinking of ponning! i can't honestly say i learnt much though, most of the time i hung back and watched rather than participated (because after elbowing four guys and stomping on the feet of two you'd stop too). still, it was a visual fest for me and i am very inspired to continue dancing (as in belly) even though i suck at it.

the beautiful and spunky dawn hampton (in this vid she is 79!) and matt

joanna and henric (and cutest theo)

mattias and hanna

redbluegold

2010-03-01T04:03:00.001Z

'God save our land and heaven bless our ACS forever'

Happy Founder's Day everyone!

no winter olympics on tv, FML FML FML

2010-02-18T14:52:00.003Z

i can't even bring myself to hurl curses and abuses at channel5 for not streaming vancouver2010 anymore. you really can do more than 2hr highlights where 10 different events are given like 10-20mins each. i understand vancouver event time clashes with prime time tv, but i don't mind staying up to catch something this important. even if you can't stream live, the least you could do is to play whatever we missed during the night. wtf, seriously. i have to camp out at youtube/myspace praying for people to upload complete skate programs from vancouver2010. i mean, like, i've been counting down to vancouver2010 for the past six-seven months and this is all i get.

and i would pay a nominal fee if they had a special winter olympics channel, but no, even the sports channels on cable don't give a damn about winter olympics. how many people even know that a georgian athlete passed away at practice?

rofl, seriously

2010-02-12T17:20:00.002Z

last week my lecturer introduced us to possibly the funniest blog ever written:

Geoffrey Chaucer hath a Blogge!

BXB&B! it contains some of the funniest shizz i've read in months. so do yourselves a favour, and check it out.

pretty pris

2010-01-31T17:33:00.003Z

when i read blogs like this, i feel like such a...a...trivial person. mostly i cannot hold conversations with authors of the blogs i enjoy reading (or any writers i like), because my brain moves too slowly to catch up with what they're saying. by the time i figure something out i have time enough only to nod and smile and no time to think of a proper reply. and this really bugs me, because sometimes the reply i want will come several hours late. what a slow brain.

i attended a solemnisation today.

i look incredibly fat next to the bride but its ok, she rules the day today. being on the top floor of four seasons offers some interesting perspectives on orchard road. you know there's this random patch of grass in town with rundown cubicles masquerading as a building. i mean, wow, im surprised there's even an undeveloped piece of land in town.

courtroom drama

2010-01-28T17:37:00.002Z

i visited the supreme court today. you know, their single toilets have this very specific smell that just screams supreme court. walking through security i was disappointed not to see familiar faces, and then when i stepped into the toilet i just had to smile to myself. all the memories came rushing back at the whiff of that sweet scent. (i do understand 'toilet' and 'sweet scent' are rather incongruous, but by toilet i do mean the one in odd corners which the public doesn't go to. they smell...comfortable)

there weren't any seats in court so i went to crash the sal office. met becky and kim leng! becky is as radiant as ever. she doesn't just exude radiance, i think she is the ray. thereafter went back to the courtroom and played musical chairs with the aunties during the break. the hearing itself was mildly unpleasant. on entering the sup court after lunch i saw familiar faces at the guard post! it made me quite happy, only my eye-candy guard was not there:( yeah but it was very nice and welcoming to walk in and have someone go 'long time no see!' and various other people to wave hi to.

various people asked me 'whose side are you on?' and i'd shrug and say neither. somehow that made things worse i guess, a non-opinion is supposedly a worthless one so they turned their noses up at me. afterwards uncle gl chuckled and told me, 'next time people ask you again just say you're on God's side', and i found that highly amusing. there were no seats so uncle gl dropped me off home.

at night i went for smu's bailamos at zirca. smu has lotsa hot gals. very, very hot, like zomggggg hawt. after the performance segment there was social, and i danced with jon. he's from true life, therefore supposedly from the other side if you would have it, but we danced. and somehow, i see that as a fitting end to the day, that reconciliation, if it starts anywhere, starts here. (although i am perhaps missing the point but nevertheless)

no work done

2010-01-24T16:20:00.003Z

omg i haven't done any work since i got online. and that was three hours ago. OMG. but it was quite a fun three hours, spoke to fiz a bit (first time in months, quite possibly a year), trying to get him to go for alumni...half discussed about a section outing...(all the recent outings i've been trying to organise with different groups of friends all phail so i don't know how this will work out) and he's going to india and europe, like wow!

oh presentation on tuesday is gonna be crap. but its ok, its like three days of reading and research for 3.3% of the grade, so that's really fair and fun. i said before chaucer is really great, i am taking that back, at least until after tuesday.

today at borders i had no money to buy anything but i didn't wanna waste my vouchers so i handed them to some stranger whom i saw was holding books. after the encounter amos turned to me, and asked,
'do you know who is that?'
'nope, you do?'
'that's andrew lim!'
-blank look-
'he used to be in under one roof!'
'oh erm, is it? i only remember moses lim.'
that's kinda weird. he's gonna think i only handed him my vouchers because he is who he is. i feel misunderstood, which is even stranger seeing as i don't know whether he did think that or not and besides the encounter has no bearing on my life. shrug.

i want orange juice. and i have yet to come up with my gushing entry on invictus.

problems bigger than ourselves

2010-01-24T14:57:00.003Z

i agree with james mcgregor when he says this:

'In their spare time, China's leaders are reaching under the carpet to tackle the country's endemic corruption, epidemic pollution, emaciated health care, shredded social services, entrenched industrial overcapacity and swiftly aging population, to name a few. They have little bandwidth, and no experience or desire to be the visionary and magnanimous world leaders who can look beyond China's own often desperate needs that the world wants them to be.'

content aside, i love how he uses the phrase 'little bandwidth' to describe the Chinese govt's inaptitude (for lack of a better word, you all know how much i love china i practically go there once a year), in conjunction with the article's overall commentary on google's pull-out.

now is as good a time as ever to talk about haiti...
many people had problems with our own government donating only $50k, and then there's an fb group set up informing city harvest to donate all their money to haiti (and then in small font urging other temples and mosques and places of worship to do likewise). not that i agree with city harvest's actions, i didn't like it that they used a church's name to create sensational news when temples (such as the one where my maternal grandparents' tablets are placed) are incredibly rich too, and besides, an earnest secular plea for help for haiti will not go unheard.

rant over, i will get back to my main point. i didn't have any problems with the singapore government donating so little to haiti. we live in southeast asia, one of the poorer regions in the world even when compared to africa, parts of china and the caribbean. there is human tragedy happening everyday in our own region, and i would much rather see our money go to our neighbours than to some far off place just because their plea for help rings so much louder than the drone of despair we have grown accustomed to hearing.

books for the sem!

2010-01-23T14:10:00.003Z

in chronological order, from chaucer of the 14th century to j.m. coetzee of 1999. this excludes about ten other shakespeare plays which im gonna photocopy. im already thinking of what books to spot..steinbeck's grapes of wrath looks frightening so i think i might skip. wuthering heights also looks frightening (i don't understand why practically the whole world's read it before except for me? it looks so dreadfully long!). finished things fall apart, quite a good read. im really gonna have to bury my nose in books from now on...

me and you and everyone we know

2010-01-17T14:55:00.004Z

on a different note, 生死諜戀 is some very exciting chinese propaganda complete with a heroic theme song (which, if taken out of context from the series, would be rather melodramatic and funny).

im really tickled

2010-01-16T03:25:00.003Z

ian tay has been full of surprises lately. days ago i messaged him something like 'omg did i just miss your birthday? sorry sorry happy belated birthday!', and he replied

'Haha it's ok lah. thx!'

and my eyes bulged. ian tay knows how to speak singlish? is this the ian tay i know? two days ago under the fb suggestions tab i saw 'Ian Tay'. i blinked a few times to make sure i wasn't seeing things, and then i clicked on it, and omg it's him! i hurriedly added him and suggested friends for him. moments later, this appears on my wall:

Jevan Li Angeline! Ian Tay succumbed! =D
Yesterday at 10:21pm · Comment ·Like · See Wall-to-Wall
David De Winne likes this.

damn funny. next you see on ian's wall

Jevan Li By the way I told Janan, and his response was ?!?!?!?!?!?!. Tis wonderful. Hahaha
Today at 6:21pm
David De Winne this is really amazing. if ian tay can get fb...then anything can happen. CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN
Today at 6:22pm

guy in my dream

2010-01-13T16:52:00.006Z

hahahaha i suddenly dreamt of this actor one night, and i was like, omg i don't even know his name! well, now i do, he's called 高磊 (Gao Lei), and i think he looks so much better in period than in modern day dress! or perhaps im just too used to seeing him in nicely-cut old-fashioned suits that to see him in shirt and jeans is simply too off-putting. thinking back it's kinda rare to see such opulent costumes in a mainland production.

《最后的格格》was not that great a series, but it had many good-looking people in it. the storyline just went round and round and round with nearly all the men liking the princess, and all the women liking the character played by sammul chan. but it started off really well, with a complicated story surrounding the princess' birth, which ups audience expectations for the rest of the series. it became rather disappointing, because beyond the first half there was no longer character evolution, and thus i began to fast-forward to get to the end. pity.

it took me a long time to find this man who appeared in my dreams, which means he's not well-known, so im helping to advertise him! hahaha

last day of hols

2010-01-11T14:11:00.002Z

so it's back to school tomorrow! With a cough and a sore throat. doctor's fees blew a hole in my wallet. first class of the year: Chaucer. I hope he doesn't make us buy the riverside chaucer because it's bloody thick and because of that I will never touch it. besides, i will regret not buying it back in the UK.

some things i haven't done which i want to do: bodyworlds, and the mummies at the museum.

watched Invictus with a couple of the bandfest chaperones yesterday. it is a goodly kind of movie - amusing touches, strong didactic message, naive perhaps, but hopeful. hopeful and rewarding. I went into the movie not knowing what it was about, which turned out to be a blessing, because if i knew the synopsis i would have judged too early (and erroneously) that it's not my type. highly recommended.

'a wager?'
'yes. all your gals for all our sheep?'
'i was thinking more of a crate of wine.'

i have more to say but i am feeling too much discomfort, am going to bed. next time!

my tribute

2010-01-06T16:24:00.002Z

My Tribute (To God be the Glory) by Sissel and the Oslo Gospel Choir

her voice is still heavenly.

i miss having an oven

2010-01-06T10:06:00.000Z

i made me and daddy lunch today. a potful of goodness.

bugger singaporeans

2010-01-05T17:32:00.002Z

my dad came into my room earlier on asking me whether i have heard the news about some girl getting molested at sentosa, said he heard it on the radio. i ran a search, which landed me at stomp. and oh, why am i not surprised, that stomp once again reveals how daft singaporeans, particularly those who love making their opinions known on forums such as that of stomp and stinteractive, are.

first, a girl in a bikini gets molested on stage and all people do is to take videos and discuss how she deserved it for wearing skimpy barely-clothes and gyrating. all i can say is that i am amazed. it's about the same as someone walking around naked at home and some idiot takes a picture from his own home, posting it online and crying 'outrage of modesty'! the way i see it, the next time some poor drunk girl is getting raped in an alley and people are not going to stop to help because 'she deserves it for getting drunk/dressing skankily' or perhaps 'she's not pushing them away so she's probably enjoying it so why stop her?'

i am just shocked that the general public opinion (as is displayed on stomp, which as we know has not had any brilliant writers) is placing most of the blame on the girl. also appalled at the general singaporean-man-on-the-street who do not hesitate to push the blame on her.

shocked because most of the singaporean men i know are good and kindly and protective. we clubbed our last night at shandong away. while dancing, some men were gyrating a little too hard and close for comfort, and immediately, unbidden, our guys formed a circle around us girls to protect us. when things got bad the guys actually joined hands to prevent the unwelcome male(s) infiltrating in, before we finally gave up and went back to our suite. (it was q funny on retrospect, the boys were like tribal dancing because of their joined hands) this, is the singaporean boys i know, protective, caring, and i am disappointed to read that they may be the minority. (perhaps it has to do with them coming from elite schools)

i wonder whether the girl went with her friends, or whether those molesters were her friends. in the uk, in the absence of boys, we took turns to protect each other, and kat was so cute, she was like omg you singaporeans are so small i have to keep coming in to rescue you all! i don't know whether i would have the guts to help her if i didn't know her, so perhaps one should always go for such events with friends for safety.

ach narrow-minded singaporeans!

oh well, who's to say im not one of them too, bugger us all.

new experience for the new year

2010-01-04T08:41:00.002Z

yesterday i worked on a film set! haha junfeng desperately needed extras to fill the space in his clubbing scene so i got called up. i expected a lot of waiting around, but i didn't expect it to be that tiring. i mean, it's just standing in a pub, mostly pretending to talk (we can't talk because they're doing voice recording), but today my legs are aching! perhaps it was the heels' fault.

i understand mise-en-scene well enough, but until i was actually part of it did i truly get what cheating the eye means...like in one scene i was in the blurry foreground chatting with a friend, then in the reverse shot the friend wouldn't be on camera so i mimed talking to myself. in one scene i was leaning at a table, then when the camera wanted to zoom in on the person without losing the crowd effect they merely shifted all the props and extras in nearer the main characters, and it all looks the same on camera. hahah. they were so particular even with placement/action of extras for continuity, while the audience probably won't even know the difference. what an experience. a whole day of shooting, and if you're lucky you'll appear on the final product for, like, 2seconds haha, if you're not, i guess you do wonder what you did on-set all day long.

i roped in g, dom and rose for the clubbing scene. it was hilarious, we pretended to count down to the year 2000, then start dancing. g was like 'omg. when you watch tv you always find the clubbing scenes damn fake, now you know why!' cos it's very hard to get the feeling, and then sometimes you have to dance and bob without any music and as silently as you can because they are boom-miking the actors. then they have to spray smoke (and a poor guy has to fan it to the desired area) to get the pre-smoking-ban effect and also to block out a bit of the disco lights cos some colours do not pick up well on camera.

i only wish...i did this before i took my film studies module! it would've made many things so much clearer.

happynewyear

2010-01-01T17:42:00.002Z

my blue winnie the pooh pouch gave up the ghost several days ago.

the Pouch is dead. Long live the Pouch!

and i still hold your hand

2009-12-26T17:59:00.001Z

goodbye my lover

lame jokes

2009-12-25T16:17:00.002Z

it's only ever with band (slash music) friends that you get lame jokes like...

-cue music from jc days-
'eh please. that is so old-skool.'
'how's this for old school? -pipes mozart- take that!'

or

'concert starts at 5pm sharp.'
'in-tune lah!....kay maybe not.'

jc and poly bandfest 09

2009-12-20T17:14:00.002Z

helping out as a chaperon this year brought tears and laughter, and taught me again what it means to 有福同享，有难同当. amazing, but i don't know whether i wanna do it again next year...

science in literature

2009-12-01T16:34:00.002Z

so, for the first time in many, many years, i get to read up on stuff like the double-slit experiment, Schrodinger's cat and critical mass etc, thankfully, without the math. less interestingly though there's also that bit on galileo and copernicus, but that was easy, we're all well-versed in the heliocentric universe. i love it that bentley points out 'the evidence of one's senses is that the sun goes round the earth. that the earth should go round the sun is directly counter to that evidence. the average man accepts the latter idea on pure faith. so far as he knows, it could be wholly untrue. for the demonstration lies in the realm of the abstract and the abstruse.' (from The Science Fiction of Bertolt Brecht) But of course, it being literature, we focus on the human drama in science rather than scientific fact itself. for sure, what we read of copernicus, heisenberg and the copenhagen interpretation would surely be outdated.

im glad that this sem i managed to learn some new stuff (and unlearn a lot too) for at least two modules...the rest were a waste of time, esp creative writing zomg.

how much is that doggie in the window

2009-11-30T18:10:00.000Z

today i saw a beagle in a pet shop. im head over heels in love.

malady of a lit student

2009-11-27T04:35:00.002Z

or melodie, perhaps?

asking one another what we're gonna do after the exams, and we excitedly start talking about ooh im gonna start on this or that new book i bought! really, oh cool im gonna be reading this and that too!

haha.

l'avenir looks bleak

2009-11-22T15:59:00.003Z

butterflies in my stomach for tomorrow's exams. i've hit a roadblock, nothing im reading is giving me any new knowledge but im not getting any ideas of my own either. so the most interesting module of the sem is gonna suck. what a lacklustre semester this has been! poor essays, to-be-disastrous exams, suicide-worthy grades.

well at least the prof has been real nice and encouraging. the other day he told you im doing well for someone with no background, in reply i told him to expect me in his amateur class next sem, and he chortled heartily, and to my surprise, started pitching his amateur course to me. sounds interesting, hope i can get into the class. still, the bell curve works against me. stupid stupid. it was suicide to do the advanced class but every other class was full. you know the school admin cites classroom size limitation for keeping so strictly to the class size limit, but i think that's a non-issue because there will always be ponners, and there're always empty seats! so i think they can increase each class by like...5-10 more people each.

stalking fb and getting all jealous of people who have their exchanges paid for by some scholarship or another. wish i was one of them, too bad im not smart enough. im never good enough for anything. it's infuriating.

i don't know whether i should continue studying. it's not going in anyway...what is blind cinema? well, how should i know. arrrgh. i feel like i've done the best i could all this sem, and particularly for this module because it is so challenging (how come i couldn't do that for maths? haha) but it's going nowhere. it's nightmare.

i am looking forward to next sem though. but of course that depends on what courses i get. if i get the ones i want, like amateur film theory, modern poetry, shakespeare, gender and politics, it should be real cool. if im forced to take others like...i dunno, feminist theory or modernism or something it'd be yet another boring bad sem.

ac days will never be back

2009-11-18T20:20:00.005Z

dom and i went back to ac today. it was a bit awkward because we didn't know anyone at all, change conductor again, ms sng on holiday, laoshi prolly also on holiday, no juniors we know. in fact we didn't even know where to sit so we sat on the stairs near the shoe racks, until a perc poked his head in and directed us to the couches at the back. end of prac, the only eupho player, melvin, (who's pretty good!) came to say hi, cos samantha told him a eupho senior wld be visiting haha. nice of her. when he learnt my name, he was like, oh! I know you, your name's still on the eupho case! haha super funny. q shocking too like omg why's my name still there but nice to see that im still there la haha.

while refilling my bottle, i saw something that amazed me. rosalind and two other ladies were singing familar songs fr songbooks in the canteen. dom said quite matter-of-factly, some things never change. indeed! i'd forgotten that everytime the A's are going on there'd be a prayer group quietly supporting, praying and singing, for us. how ungrateful of me, how quickly we forget their labour of love for us! i felt so touched there and then, to think i once benefitted from their prayers, to think that somebody was even praying for me, was amazing. one of the reasons i miss ac so much, it's so affectionate. (but of cos we aren't perfect either, glad to see we're working on it though)

anyway, just a shout out on acband's behalf (not like anyone relevant will read this but haha anyway) acband tune-in happens next saturday, 28th nov, graduating sec4/5 bandies all dearly welcome. registration starts at 8.30am. join us for a day of fun and music-making!

legitimizing science

2009-11-17T19:17:00.001Z

the more i think about legitimation of science (in literature, whether fictional or non-fictional), the more it begins to resemble legitimation of religion. quite laughable...although i suspect this sudden insight is probably not original, it sounds like something everyone will arrive at given the time. i'll get back to this when i start studying sci&lit. i wish i could get to sleep..hope i can wake up in time tmr!

study week events

2009-11-17T16:25:00.002Z

my study week is looking more like an ac week...earlier on i had dinner with amirahh, tomorrow i'm meeting dom to visit acband (finally!), friday im meeting rose to study...oddly though none of them are from my batch.

today i went for a classic medi and pedi. im kinda irritated that i cannot bite my nails now. i know it's a disgusting habit but it's...comforting. im not used to square nails...they look nicer but i dont like the jutting edges. haha i seem to do my nails at the same time...last year i did it twice, once before sem 2 exam the next for my birthday/sem1 exam. this year it's twice again, first on my return from uk, the next for sem1 exam. hahaha actually it's a waste of time, because you don't study when you're doing your nails, and when you're done you can't exactly touch anything for another two more hours. then again it's not like im actually studying anyway..

im feeling more and more demoralized about my papers. this is my slackest (and hardest) sem so far - not much studying to do for choir only memory and vocal work, another module s/u, the creative writing module over, so three modules to really study for. yet of those three there is none that i am confident for...so that seriously sucks. haven't written a proper essay for some time. in the past i used to have at least one good essay per sem (yes i know other people are producing good essays for every mod but im not that smart)..this sem i don't have a 代表作品 so im very disappointed.

well at least the film theory essay is over. i know it's not well-written, i couldn't articulate my thoughts well...but the ideas, the process of thinking, was divine. i didn't think i'd like film but this lecturer changed my mind.

a story of love

2009-11-15T14:19:00.005Z

received this anecdote in the mail, just thought i'd share it. it's Sunday, after all.
* * *

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. The son joined the army. He was very courageous and died in battlewhile rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just before Christmas, There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much.. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'

There was silence...

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.'

But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?' Another voice impatiently, 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Real bids!' But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting...' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

'We have $10, who will bid $20?'

'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.' The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!' A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the
collection!' The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'

'What about the paintings?'

'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!'

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?'

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

jumble of thoughts and stuff

2009-11-12T15:12:00.002Z

i saw on facebook (ahha stalking, as usual, cos antm is so boring) that andrew kan wrote on kai's wall about choir. he would know four people in the photos, kai, laser beam, jevon and myself. he only wrote on kai's wall though. felt a little strange to be no different from a stranger to him now, when in secondary school we used to talk on the phone pretty often, mostly he'd call to say he learnt a new song on the guitar so he wanted to sing/play it for me. sad.

i had dinner with jevon last night, which was great. my friendship with jevon is sorta a complete opposite from andrew's, stopped speaking to him in primary school, and after taking this module together i've started talking to him again. quite funny la.

so, with the choir exam over, that makes two modules over and done with. i don't feel any relief...but as some disembodied voice behind me said yesterday, we can worry about it when the results come out.

i wrote a 2700 word essay on a film that's 11mins long! i am rather amazed at myself, but there was nothing too original in my content so i mean, nothing to be really excited about i guess. i hope i don't fail anything this sem though. sigh.

look up look up, school days are over!

birthday at the quad

2009-11-10T17:29:00.001Z

before the throne of God above

2009-11-08T18:05:00.002Z

today i visited the limping amos and he was like 'niaha you never come today we sang one of your favourites'.
'which?'
'before the throne of God above'
'so? the tune in the hymnal is not nice'
'oh no we sang to the tune you like.'
'huh really? well, for once they sing something nice. who chose it? nobody dares to choose nice songs'
'might be mark. he was speaking today.'
'hah! expected. stupid people. years ago i introduced this song to people everybody said its ccm. now mark chooses it so its acceptable la huh?'
-shrug- 'like that lor'
'double standards. pah!'

on second thoughts, it's not double standards im concerned about, because it's only human. example: if i am to say i wrote the line 'hold infinity in the palm of your hand', people might dismiss me for being pretentious or coming up with a cheesy tagline for a watch. but once i say it's blake, people start attributing beauty to the line. you need authority or the 'seh' to say some things. sebastian tan could probably say ccb and elicit laughter, whereas i would elicit jaw drops. what i am concerned about is that people don't seem to be able to think for themselves...and im not sure whether this is a singaporean work ethic (apathetic dont say anything so never have to save your own ass) or whether it applies to people at large.

books, wonderful books

2009-11-03T13:37:00.006Z

if there is anything i miss about the uk besides my church and the people, it will be amazon.co.uk. books were so cheap! well, usually. some of the lit texts i searched for remained as elusive or as expensive as ever. i miss getting the good deals for books, and i also miss getting new stuff in the mail every now and then. i balk at the prices of my texts every sem (science students please stop complaining that your fees are more expensive, i'll bet the costs of my texts beat your lab fees anytime, any sem), and it makes me just miss the uk so much more!

also the waterstones in school was really nice to visit in the mornings (when there's nobody to skype haha). no longer have that luxury of browsing a bookstore slowly and reading blurbs...you'd have to go all the way to town and that makes me sian already. plus who ever has the time in singapore? life is so hectic. last time i could study, and then read a book before i fall asleep. nowadays the only bedtime stories i have are my lit texts (which are good..but i don't have time for myself anymore).

[edit thursday 12 nov 09 circa 4am: I FORGOT, THERE WERE NO LIZARDS IN THE UK TOO. I LIKE.]

excerpt from the noose

2009-11-02T17:53:00.000Z

the weather bit always cracks me up.

toilet humour

2009-11-01T19:24:00.003Z

at the dramatized readings of plays on friday, i realised that most of the comic plays depended heavily on sex jokes. sex and penile jokes. (the only non-sex comedic play did a windows vs mac thing) what is it about sex which makes it awkward to discuss (on stage or anywhere) in any other way except laughter?

on another note (pure toilet philosophy) what is it about anal sex being exciting? i guess for male homosexuals they don't have much of a choice, but for male-female anal sex is just odd. we all know about the nerve endings which supposedly make it feel good, but nobody gets orgasms while shitting, and it's the same passageway with said nerve endings.

the above is an excuse to delay the writing of my essay on metatheatre. omg i've only written 5o words out of 2000!

what's wrong with singapore/singaporeans?

2009-10-27T17:00:00.003Z

somebody posted this video online: singapore complain (not sure if the link will work cos its on fb)

it's said the above clip/song is banned in singapore, which is pretty lame, because the song complains about singaporeans, not the government. or perhaps it does, just that i haven't reached that bit yet (the song is 1omins long, im only at the 4th min my attention span is simply not long enough). probably some lame civil servant wanting to wipe his/her ass and not get into any trouble with her bosses - i wonder whether i'll be lame like that if i ever work in the civil service next time?

the contents of the song are valid, although i must say that, as a singaporean, after you ask 'what's wrong with singapore?', then you should take the initiative to make it right. (this is sounding too didactic ahah) what's the point with complaining about all those little things if you commit it too? it becomes the same old argument about if he's not doing it why should i?

case in point: last week i found a card in the photocopy machine card reader. it had $19 in it. i took it out, used my own card with $3.30 left in it, got what i wanted and left. i took the other card and handed it to the librarian. after i did that, i felt stupid. i messaged amos telling him what i did, and that i regretted it, because it's not as if anyone returned me my numerous lost wallets (actually, in two cases they were, but emptied, of course). he told me that at least i did the right thing because two wrongs do not make a right. we have cliches for everything, don't we. i am feeling like, so what if i did the right thing, nobody did the right thing back to me, so why should i?

well, fine, thou shalt not steal. if everybody obeyed it then will we truly be living in post-enlightenment. (well we're not even that, we're postmodern, whatever that means) nobody ever said doing the right thing would be easy. easy only on your conscience, dear.

hell week

2009-10-11T17:06:00.002+01:00

oct 30 play dramatization

nov 2 modern drama essay due
nov 3 intro to public policy quiz
nov 4 choir exam
nov 5 sci and lit essay due
nov 6 creative writing self analysis due

nov 9 advanced film theory essay due

WTFFF???

haeundae

2009-10-08T14:23:00.004+01:00

so i just watched the trailer for the movie Haeundae: The Deadly Tsunami, and i thought, well, why in the world would anyone want to watch that? in southeast asia at least i think i've seen enough of the real thing i don't need a korean interpretation of what happened on boxing day or more recently of course typhoons battering taiwan and philippines. the worst thing about it is that, honestly it looks fake, not saying anything about the artistes but after you've been bombarded on tv newspapers all other mediums including gp lessons day and night with images and discussions of the real tsunami the trailer really looks quite pathetic. you can just imagine, at the back of your head, well they're splashing around in a pool in the studio, and thinking, this is not the real thing, it did not happen like that, the real thing was altogether more terrible, terrible.

and then i think, well, how could i have known, when all i had were stories and images which testified to the devastating power of the tsunami? im no better than them when it comes to judging, better, then, not to say anything.

much belated thanksgiving

2009-10-06T16:14:00.002+01:00

in class today, i felt a veritable pang for england. there were many things i hated, such as the lack of things to occupy myself with, the keen loneliness (coupled with the breakdown of the heater, is hard to bear). but then there were moments of friendship and warmth that keeps playing in my mind and i owe these people very much thanks, sometimes for a shelter over my head, their hospitality, but even more so the companionship they offered me.

i think it best if i do it in chronological order.

mark was the first person i called after my family and amos. he was frying chicken for huimin and grace. i never actually met him in the uk for he left two weeks after i arrived, but he was always very nice and comforting over the phone. in fact i think we talked more over the phone in the uk, whereas now when we meet its the perfunctory q&a that takes place.

then i met kass in paris! it was quite funny because we couldn't get a class gathering together in december and there i was meeting her a quarter around the world. we went to the pompidou and then had falafel sitting on the steps while she told me more about the various places where i'd already visited in paris. i think meeting her made paris so much better, because she set it at a slow pace, which i think is how paris ought to be experienced, not the mad rush that kris qq and i were going on previously.

two weeks later i crashed at yenn weii's. i was really excited to meet her!! unfortunately she had an assignment to rush out and i didn't have that much time with her. she gave me really good advice before i left singapore too, such as what and how much clothes to bring, what to expect of the weather/people/students/life in the uk, and er what temperature to set the washing machine at when i told her all my clothes turned a nasty shade of purplish-blue. heehee yenn i miss you already! it's a pity we didn't have a sleepover when you came back, perhaps this dec or next june yeah?

i met jinnn on a sunday. he was, i can find no other way of describing it, a god-send. i was roaming chinatown alone after service at metropolitan tabernacle and staring at the menu of 'rasa sayang' wondering whether to eat there alone when i heard some distinctly singaporean voices around me. i looked around, amused, and saw jin walking into the shop! i was so happy to meet him, and so glad for the company. i thought it was amazing that i could run into someone just like that, it's like so hard to even meet up with friends within ntu you'd think it's a million in one chance to meet someone in another country, but it happened to me. thank you jin, for the chicken rice! i owe you one (actually, several haha) cya at christmas, hopefully.

lianne emailed me several times, and she was the first with whom i shared my thanksgiving about meeting jin. i don't suppose she knows this blog exists, but i must say im really sorry i procrastinated so much about replying the emails! thank you for being so patient with me, and for taking time out to meet me before i left, and for all the long emails and for keeping the notes for esther for me.

thank you, new life bp london for taking me in! the manse was very comfortable and nice.. lotsa thanks to jonathan and rev lim for taking such good care of me while i was there, i still remember the curry chicken! jonathan stayed up with me on friday and saturday night to chat even though he was so tired, i really enjoyed the fellowship with everyone there. it truly did feel like a family.

the people at met tab who took the time to talk to me...it was amazing because it is such a big church with such a huge congregation but they made the great effort to make me feel comfortable there even though they knew i was off the next day! the old lady in the bookstore was hilarious, "oh you're buying two books, i've read them, they're very good! well now, you'll have to trek back to hull now won't you, you can't afford a train ticket anymore". she was so cute. then there was the guy who asked me where i was from, and when i said singapore, he was all excited for me to meet the two other singaporeans in the church, pity they weren't at the evening service.

was so sick of studying for exams in hull that i booked a bus to york and met genevieve for tea at betty's. was an expensive place, but well, you've got to have a classic tea at least once when you're in england, don't you? gen recommended this perfect place with the best tea and scones with clotted cream and jam, i would love to eat there again. i thought it was gonna be awkward meeting her, after all we rarely spoke when together in ac, but it turned out nice. it was really good of her to meet me at such short notice (i booked tickets the day before), i was really thankful for that. she brought me to the shambles which was where they filmed diagon alley, it was quite extraordinary, some buildings really do look like they're held together only by magic!

john and sharon took me in at my last trip to london. i spoke to sharon a lot when i visited new life but i never got to meet sharon in her own home because i went back late every night i was there and she leaves for work too early in the morning. it was another god-send that i was able to stay with them, john happened to be on leave from work. on my last day there he took me to st mary's to look for raffles, and then to hampstead for very, very good crepes (is that how you spell it?). john showed me many photos of him and sharon travelling around the uk and europe and recommended things for me to do (alas, i had no more time). he also invited me for strawberry picking! but the date was for the day i depart for singapore:( i was very sad but im so glad he even thought of inviting me.

renuha and martin invited me over to their place for dinner. it was quite funny talking to sonia and kiran at the dinner table, and playing games with them was so fun. i loved the bedtime story-telling, it reminded me of rare times in my childhood when my mother would read me stories (I always requested for the same one, the red hen). i remember once after service all the children were running up to the altar, turns out the vicar or whoever thought it'd be a good idea to hide the toys near the altar table. kiran and his friends were dragging the box out in no time, it was hilarious watching them.

there's a chinese couple to whom i was introduced to the first time i attended service at st john's, never spoke to after and suddenly in my last week in hull invited me to their place for dinner, i had to turn them down because the invitation was for the day before i flew, and i felt so bad for it, it was so nice of them to invite me, when i cannot even remember their names!

pretty much my last weekend in hull, anne and john invited me over to beverley for tea. they have students over for tea very often, but somehow i could never make it, and they had a special one for me because i was leaving. my very own farewell party! this in the midst of them busy making their house more hospitable because their daughter was bringing the grand-daughter home for a visit, i was too touched.

last but not least, i owe cordelia and danny a great big thanks for having me in manchester. they were so much help, fetching me with my luggages from the train station, bringing me to lyme park, making sure i was well-fed, repacking my luggages with me and then sending me off at the airport. i was so much trouble for them (although amos tried to quiet my guilt-trips by saying 'hey i did a lot for their wedding too') and i haven't even had the opportunity to thank them yet. i owe them a huge treat when they next come back to singapore.

i've left out some people in this list because it is simply too long. hands up anyone who's actually still reading this bit...not even amos i bet. there's so much else to give thanks for and whom i owe thanks to, i foresee there being another thanksgiving post in the future!

bookmarks and plays and whatnots

2009-10-04T18:33:00.004+01:00

the other day i went around raffles city getting perfume samples with my sister. i stuffed all the samples into a book, and now i realise that those little sheets of paper make very nice bookmarks! a white cardboard with the brand name printed on it, simple and elegant. almost makes me want to go back and get more samples when i run out of bookmarks. i think i collect rather strange things, bookmarks, mugs and coasters...i think almost every of my close friends have at some point laughed at this habit.

i was unhappy when i was told vicki and i will be presenting our play on 30 oct, the day after my birthday. it means i will be spending my birthday writing, re-writing, re-wording and possibly gathering/making props or backdrops. well, but at least my birthday falls on a thursday, thursdays are lunch-with-gip-ppl-day which means i will at least have some noisy company - that's if people are still free enough to meet up for lunch by then...

on a funny note when i first told the gip people that i have a play to write and perform, kelvin immediately went 'do you need help? i can be a tree.' and cheeyang chipped in with a 'i can be a bird or some other inanimate object' much to everybody's laughter.

hello stranger

2009-10-03T16:30:00.002+01:00

so here's to the mysterious stranger who suffered my first dance on monday. he was incredibly smooth on the dance floor, as opposed to my quite obviously constipated face. it was good fun though, i think i might take up salsa after all!

aloha changi

2009-09-28T05:38:00.000+01:00

im going for my first camp in years. im more than a little nervous because im not quite sure what to expect. here's hoping it'll all be good fun:)

some stories, please

2009-09-21T18:12:00.002+01:00

so j sent out yet another email telling us to work in groups. of the few people i asked, all but one are doing solo. i am not comfortable with solo work but i don't work well with people either. i do wish she hadn't made it such, i mean as a solo artist herself shouldn't she be the best person to understand 'too many cooks spoil the soup'? i don't think everyone can write together like terry pratchett and neil gaiman on good omens. hopefully she wouldn't mark all the people doing solo work down, i know im gonna do badly for hoca's class, i can't have this go down too. sucks that i can't s/u this. heard that she has no qualms about failing people, and that scares me.

last night i wanted very badly to read a book. something light and nice, fictional. my bookshelf contained nothing i wanted to read. i settled for belle du jour, all the while feeling sad that i have so many books but when it comes down to it they're all books i can't stomach when im feeling down and tired. any recommendations, people?

once again, every four years

2009-09-17T17:54:00.005+01:00

michelle kwan is as good as ever.

im so excited, winter olympics is coming!!! i won't mind the sleepless nights no more, for that one month. im hopping up and down in excitement! it couldn't come sooner.

i forgot choosing a topic was so hard

2009-09-16T03:58:00.004+01:00

I don't know whether to work on Eisenstein's Octyabr (Ten days that shook the world) or Bunuel's Belle de Jour. Belle looks a lot easier (there's dialogue, for one), and I fear for i haven't analysed more than two films before this, much less a silent film now (but octyabr has shostakovich as soundtrack, that is one big plus). for a start, check out this very stunning scene from Octyabr.

what should i do?

last night:

ministerial forum with lhl, which wasn't too interesting. some people asked really lame questions, total waste of time. pm lee's replies were all very diplomatic. i still do wish i managed to get tickets for the one his dad came for two years ago.

at some point last evening kai said everything is pr. i didn't quite like that, besides the argument that when you say everything is something then everything is nothing, i think that when you equate politics with pr you have shortchanged the politicians. to say everything is pr is to negate perhaps a real desire to achieve social change and improvement, amongst other things, and imputing only want for fame and power on the politicians. but for the sake of debate then of course.

celebrate..what?

2009-09-12T17:33:00.002+01:00

my family came into my room and asked, well, kinda like interrogated me on where i wanted to celebrate my 21st birthday. i told them quite honestly that a party was quite unnecessary because i didn't think anyone would turn up with it being a week or two before exams. i've been so used to the idea of birthday=essays+exams that im not sure whether i'd like to celebrate or not, it's just something that never really happens...im mildly puzzled at how my family seems more eager to celebrate than me, when you mention october to me i only think about staying up rushing papers.

in lecture

2009-09-08T04:35:00.002+01:00

i want to cut my hair. some childish practices came to mind, leftover from secondary school - never cut your hair before an exam, you'll be cutting away your memory, and so on. seems a good time to talk about little superstitions anyway. there is some merit in that, if you get a horrible cut you'd be too traumatized to study. mostly i think people have moved on to pedicures, i think after i finish my creative project i will treat myself to a pedicure.

writing woes

2009-09-07T19:00:00.003+01:00

when i read a text, my greatest fear is no longer that i will not understand it, but that i will be too narrow-minded in my reading of it. i don't think anything damns your paper more than uninformed opinions formed of your own prejudices. if anything, this is my one inertia i am unable to overcome.

listening to human by the killers

2009-09-06T18:01:00.002+01:00

for lack of a better title; i teared while watching the final scene of chaplin's city lights. 'yes, i can see now.' one really cool thing about studying literature is that you're made to watch and read things you wouldn't normally do on your own. well, i still have derrida to read, and that's not very cool because he reduces my braincells to mush. my grades are slipping this sem, everything i do is doubly hard after returning from the uk, nobody understands.

shrug

2009-08-30T19:21:00.000+01:00

BRACK.

[Behind the easy-chair.] You are not really happy--that is at the

bottom of it.

HEDDA.

[Looking straight before her.] I know of no reason why I should be--

happy. Perhaps you can give me one?

maybe i need to change my major

2009-08-19T06:22:00.002+01:00

Where do you fall in the list? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. It's always fun to prove them wrong. Look at the list and put an X after those you have read. Tag people equal to the number you checked. Don't forget to tag me back.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen [X]
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte [x]
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling [X]
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible [x]
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell [x]
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens [x]

Total: 5.5 (actually...im not quite sure the Bible counts, seeing as i always skip the '__ is the son of __ who fathered __...' bits. also i wonder whether the pride and prejudice i read in primary sch was the original or the simplified and abridged version)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - siao
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 0
Total so far: 5.5

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald [X]
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens [x]
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 2
Total so far: 7.5

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis [X]
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden [x]
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 2
Total so far: 9.5

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell [x]
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown [x]
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery [x]
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 2
Total so far: 11.5

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon [x]
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley [x]
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez [X]

Total: 3
Total so far: 14.5

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 0
Total so far: 14.5

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens [x]
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett [X]
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson [x]
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt [x]

Total: 3
Total so far: 17.5

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens [x]
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle [x]
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton [X]

Total: 3
Total so far: 20.5

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad [X]
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery [X]
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl [X]
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 3
Total in all: 23.5

I've only read 23.5/100 of this. pathetic. it's too bad i think agatha christie is ten times more interesting than some of the books on this list..

dance nightmare

2009-08-16T16:29:00.002+01:00

first bellydance lesson of the year summed up in a word: disastrous. it's obvious my hips don't lie, i've been slacking for the longest time. it was great fun though! i couldn't catch up half the time, but at least im finally doing something i don't feel bored and restless at.

abby and justina have improved so much since i last met them! ahhh. the first 10 seconds or so are shaky, so fast-forward if it helps. i find that isis wings look a lot nicer from afar, like on stage or something. and their drum solo is so good! i wonder when i'll get near that level of dancing. bah.

home, for good, for bad

2009-07-27T04:35:00.003+01:00

china totally rocked! (except the toilets) we spent our last night clubbing and most of us didn't sleep at all. then we spent all saturday flying with the most tiring layover ever before reaching singapore just before midnight. on sunday morning i attended a master class at the esplanade concert hall by stephen cleobury, and it felt so weird. the class was good, it would've been helpful if i was still involved in anything remotely to do with music, but it was the people who shocked me. people dressed up, people dressed in their sunday best, people dressed in what was presentable but in reality made them look snuffed. everything was atas, refined, respectable, and i craved dearly for that vibrancy which greeted us every morning...in fact all day, in jinan. old people practicing taiji, all six of the university basketball courts full of people shooting hoops and doing layups, stall holders setting up their roadside stalls, yet more old people doing a variety of stretching, chinese dance, fan dance, water calligraphy on the pavement. people were uncouth and loud but really were intensely friendly - in a shameful comparison, at the esplanade i got the impression that people had only an outward friendliness, cold inside. it was frankly disappointing to realise that at the first place i visit on my return, one of the best singapore has to offer, and one of my favourite hangouts, the only thing which pleased me was the toilet.

might as well a farewell

2009-06-06T19:03:00.004+01:00

i dread and long for tomorrow in equal measure. it will be my last sunday at st john newland, out of which came all the experiences of hull worthy of remembrance. the sound sermons delivered by melvin tinker, scott mckay and lee mcmunn (it feels more a scottish church than a church of england, haha), the fellowship i had with the korean girls and with the families of martin, renuha, anne and john...all that i will miss deeply. the rest of hull will be better remembered through rose-tinted glasses, but not that of my time at st john newland. i leave hull on friday, but tomorrow i will bid farewell to st john newland, which was what mattered all this while.

i am surprised how well this photo turned out considering i was balancing on some discarded sainsbury crates.

duanwu jie

2009-06-06T12:48:00.004+01:00

two weeks ago my sister told me about being at grandaunt's place to eat bazhang. last night i read zel's blog about wrapping bazhangs. and im like !!!! you mean its 端午节 already? im missing out on the bazhangs! then, i realised that at singapore day, i received an army ration labelled 'vegetarian dumpling [mushroom and groundnut] 300 gms SF1 Halal Best Before 05.feb.2011 .0. (B)-1 S-1'. so i ripped it open, heated it up on the hob, rolled in into a dumpling shape, took a bite
aaaaaaaaaaaaannnndddddd

im eating instant noodles now.

house visits

2009-06-05T22:19:00.004+01:00

it is pretty hard to study for exams when there's this silly voice inside your head singing 'im going home im going home im going home'.

last night i went to martin, renuha, sonia and kiran's place for dinner at...philip larkin avenue haha. it was a very homely dinner where we concluded the day by playing a game and a bedtime story (little house) before the children had to go to bed. of the many childhood memories, one that doesn't usually come to mind is that of bedtime stories...my mother did read me bedtime stories, but because i always requested the same stories over and again she stopped. she tells me sometimes that she regrets it. well, last night was an experience, the two children huddled close to their mother as she read the tale, then responding to her questions. it was a christmas family portrait sans tree and presents.

at night i received a call from anne and john emmerson inviting me to go over to their place, and i said yes. i wanted to study for my exams, but i could never pass this up. so i took a bus to beverley in the afternoon and went to their place. we sat out in their garden chatting and admiring their beautiful roses. they were lovely! and they have a mini greenhouse where they are growing tomatoes and cucumbers - here's the real farmtown. john then took me on a walking tour of the beverley city centre, st mary's and the beverley minster. incidentally, at st mary's was a little sculpture on an arch of a rabbit with a pouch, and some say that it is the sculpture which inspired Lewis Caroll's March Hare. at the beverley minster were many military flags, and john thought we should look at all of them to see whether any of those flags was flown in singapore. we couldn't find any, and he shrugged, saying 'well we didn't exactly fight did we? we just gave up to the japanese!' and i was surprised, i asked, oh you mean you know about the british presence in singapore? 'oh yeah, everybody knows the guns were pointing backwards' and we both laughed. when the british were still engaged with us news about the colonies often came up in the papers, but now the less well-read think we're in china. that regression is sad, haha. ooh when we reached home we were both cold and frozen - the weather turned unexpectedly cold and rainy when we were out and when we went back anne asked 'shall i put the kettle on?' and i thought quite ridiculously of polly. we drank tea in their cosy drawing room, and ate a tea of cranberry juice, fajitas and home-made banana ice-cream. up north here those of our parents' generation still refer to lunch as dinner and dinner as tea. i have enid blyton to thank, or else i'd be so confused. they have a real fireplace where they burn coal! renuha told me before that the fire was up and burning the last time they visited anne and john in winter, and she commented that until then she had forgotten just how toasty a real fire is. i wish i got to see it in use during winter!

speaking of british presence in singapore - on wednesday morning, john (a different john, i stayed at his and sharon's place at colindale in london:) drove me to st mary hendon to look for dear sir stamford raffles. we traipsed around the church yard (by this i mean cemetary) for about half an hour and we got frustrated, so john called the vicar up, who told us that raffles is buried inside the church and unfortunately the sanctuary is only open on sundays. so we were very sad and we went back to his place to watch tv before taking the tube to hampstead for very good crepes and then to st pancras. the conversation sounded pretty funny though, john asked for stamford raffles and immediately the vicar went 'oh are you singaporean?' haha i wonder whether many people bother to visit dear raffles. im glad john was interested enough to go with me though (he's not singaporean, but his wife is), he says perhaps he'll visit it next time and take photos on my behalf haha.

so that's three english homes in five days! it has been a happy week during which all thoughts of studying were banished...to come back to this unhappy reality is sad and stressful.

irritated at west end

2009-05-27T11:46:00.002+01:00

im pissed that tickets for waiting for godot, arcadia, hamlet and the doll's house are all sold out for the days im in london. i kinda expected it for waiting for godot, but arcadia??? the box office for arcadia only opened today and it's already sold out?! (technically not, there's still the£65 ticket left but i can't afford that) i mean, waiting for godot and doll's house are famous plays i know, and arcadia is brilliant but it's not that famous...or so i thought. sigh. perhaps i'll end up watching les mis...which is cool and all but im not too interested in it because i already know the songs so well...(perhaps im afraid that watching it will spoil how i've imagined it to be) what else is there to watch?

reading up on sutton hoo now. i saw it at the british museum, but i honestly can't remember what i saw on display anymore. then im supposed to read up on lindisfarne gospels as well, which is on display in the british library which i can't gain access into because i have no proof of address...why am i not more inspired to study sutton hoo after having seen it? so sad.

hull v man u

2009-05-21T11:42:00.002+01:00

eh eh man u's coming to hull this weekend hahaha. we actually wanted tickets for this match early early early on in the year, but then it's so hard...zzz. to watch soccer live here you gotta be hard-core, or rich..because it doesn't make sense to pay for a year's membership just to watch one match. haha. i wonder what the pub atmosphere will be like! i've got my yellow shirt and black trousers! whoot! okaes now to jio someone to go pub with me...i bet on sunday i will procrastinate and cook dinner instead of going to the pub or something.

pignic

2009-05-20T19:34:00.002+01:00

we wanted to have a picnic today in the nearby park, but the english weather failed us...we ended up having an indoor picnic. yes, that's right, we laid out our mats indoors and sat in a cosy circle around the food. really was quite funny i guess. i wish i could be anywhere else but hull this week, im wasting so much time here just staring at the computer screen.

muscles are protesting

2009-05-20T11:45:00.004+01:00

last night i sliced my finger while wrestling with a particularly rebellious onion. i ran my finger under water then continued chopping my vegetables, unaware that my finger was still bleeding freely and staining all my vegetables. when i saw, it didn't feel so much grotesque as troublesome - 'dammit i have to wash everything again'.

this morning i watched bel's bellydance videos and ming's poledance videos, and decided to dance. that i am blogging now means i have failed in my attempt. while stretching i felt every muscle protest as if i were at my very first belly dance class. it was quite disappointing, really. i am at less than half the level i was before coming here. it's not like i practice at home, but then there were weekly lessons and monthly haflas to keep you at that level. not here. cold weather is wicked, it makes you wanna curl under the sheets and not get out into the cold. bel warned me about this before, too bad im a big procrastinator. she's gonna shake her head and tsk me when i go back for classes. aiyo.

jack themselves only

2009-05-15T10:54:00.003+01:00

i saw this comment on youtube...
weedman8222 (from the usa)
u suck not as good as m school ftw!!! lol im jk woooww its a bunch of asians with the same hair style lol :P lol i mean no offence lol asians cant sing :)

this just goes to show how uneducated he is...he has probably not heard (or not heard of), for a start, an average filipino, malay, acjc choir, the singers from the mountaineous regions of taiwan and china, or let's throw in a few international stars, sumi jo of korea or lea salonga or that chinese singer who performs annually at vienna can't remember her name.
with the exception of most australians and a choice few who have travelled, i think generally whites are just clueless about the world they live in. (hahaha im generalising like that youtube guy i just quoted hahaha) my friend at hull was just telling me how her cultural theory lecturer (a greek) at hull says things like

'hong kongers had to change from a democratic british system to a communist one so they are confused people.' hilarious. i don't think she's been to hong kong before, nor spoken to anyone from there. while going to a place is not a prerequisite for knowledge and understanding, like i can study shakespeare and chaucer in singapore or anywhere in the world with no problem, i believe that you should either do some research or at least apply a little common sense before saying such. that she is a lecturer (i do wonder what her phd thesis was on) makes her lack of knowledge (alternatively, she is all theory) quite damning.

that lecturer also insisted that singapore is next to china...well sometimes you can push an interpretation onto people and it's up to them to accept it or not, but to dispute a fact that can be proven from any map is stupidity. i told kris that that's why hull is far below singaporean universities in terms of ranking...they're employing dubious teaching staff. well fortunately im doing english archaeology, my lecturers know what they're talking about.

the many faces of skype

2009-05-04T12:56:00.010+01:00

there is a certain joy in seeing the animated faces of my family via skype; i thank the creator of skype immensely. well the children were the most amused/amazed i think, as you can see from the pictures below. i ate my lunch in front of the computer while watching my family eat dinner, it was kinda amusing, like having some sort of intimate business conference. i'll let the pictures do the talking...

aww, isn't tt sweet?

after dinner at grandma's place, chaohong went home, made his dad d/l skype, and then insisted that i watch him sleep! ah. you can see his spongebob on the bed haha.

* * *
-a rant on bbc-
so uk has 18 confirmed cases...but bbc is not exactly reporting what is happening, i can't get the information i want, such as how the people are being quarantined, where they are and how many others are being affected. telling me that the cases 'are mild' does not help. this, coming from a country with EIGHTEEN CONFIRMED cases, is absurd, especially when i compare it to the news i get from Singapore and how Singapore has all the facilities ready when Singapore does not currently have any confirmed cases yet. i talk to my sister everyday and i hear about temperature checks twice a day in schools with masks being handed out to students, and the best uk can come up with is 'Catch it, bin it, kill it!' what's funnier is that bbc posts pictures not of how uk has and is being affected by the swine flu, instead has pictures of people being quarantined and wearing masks in mexico, usa and hongkong. perhaps they are trying not to alarm the public, or really they're trying to cover up just how unprepared they are - although the br govt does say they have 'enough anti-viral drugs to treat more than half the population if necessary'.

syf yet again

2009-05-02T10:01:00.005+01:00

i don't think i know anyone from the current batch of acband and acs(ib) band members, but i still want to wish you guys all the best for the upcoming syf judging! i haven't heard you since mrs chua took over (ooh guo is sending me recordings now hehe) but im sure you guys sound great. take care of yourselves and play your best (but of course we all do know that always, the best is yet to be) and God willing, you shall do well. i will be praying for you all, God bless!

* * *
i vaguely remember writing a poem for syf for amirahh's batch. i wonder where i kept it...and i wonder whether i will cringe when i read it. hahaha

spoof on schools

2009-05-01T10:09:00.002+01:00

i uploaded a video of Hossan Leong spoofing various schools (chij, mgs, SCGS, acs, ri, sji, ghim moh), check it out, it's funny! well i suppose it's funnier if you actually come from said schools, more fun to laugh at yourself and at/with friends. brings back memories, especially those of ltf, when many people turn up in school uniforms after cca on saturdays. i remember exchanging uniforms with weitse for ltf once, that was quite funny. never thought of it as gunny sack though, it was always 'sailor-moon' for me. and hossan leong has never been to malcolm park bus stop la okaes (most fortunately though) otherwise he'd be spoofing sji with scgs and not with chij haha.

i still find it hard to believe that hossan leong is the son of auntie mary and uncle vincent? i mean if either of them are as comical, fun-loving and are practical jokers i would believe but...they seem so serious! amos says perhaps in their youth they were like hossan too haha. maybe they're trying to set good examples for the children..if all their charges joke and play like hossan it'd be hilarious, but i imagine quite tiring to take care of. anyone knows whether they're still at jiemin? well this brings back a completely different set of memories, that of helping out at the then-named basc during my school holidays. painting backdrops and dressing the children up! funny, i used to serve a lot more...now im not doing anything at all. this is rather disquieting.

youtube videos

2009-05-01T00:44:00.002+01:00

eh this is funny la. hahaha.
anyway i've been uploading videos onto my channel on youtube, so do have a look as and when..

come fill my heart

2009-04-29T22:15:00.005+01:00

this is the time of the year when everybody's too busy to care about each other: assignment deadlines and exam period. case in point - somebody tells me s/he has so much work to do, i reply saying that im afraid im going to fail a certain module, both parties hear, but both are too caught up in their own affairs to listen. the thing is, both are real problems and real fears, and each party is anxious to make their problems known by attempting to make their specific trouble sound worse off in comparison (oddly enough this can tip in the opposite direction every now and then). sometimes its true, sometimes it isn't, and sometimes workload is just relative, for example if you enjoy it then you may find the task at hand slightly easier than a classmate with the same assignment who hasn't exactly enjoyed or understood the module.

thankfully, however, my church friends do listen, and then i am relieved enough to be able to listen to them. this reciprocal relationship was especially evident during the a level period i think, because everyone was just as stressed out but when we saw each other on sundays we could encourage each other, which is a far cry from how things are in my interactions with others, which would generally be 'im stressed out' 'im stressed out too' and we both do our own thing. this stands out because im not close to my sunday school classmates to begin with, but i feel like they care more than schoolmates whom i see everyday.

it feels lonely here, but then, loneliness seems to be a given during the stressful periods, anywhere in the world.

pearl fishers duet

2009-04-22T14:06:00.001+01:00

the following youtube video is dedicated to yenn..

as well as to the rest of the section...i miss you guys very much! <3<3<3

first attempt at chicken soup

2009-04-21T21:32:00.003+01:00

tastes pretty good actually! (of course i cheated, and added a teaspoon of marmite) im really supposed to be working on my assignment, but i was distracted and decided to cook. who knew cooking could be such a release? i found a new side of myself at this exchange, something applicable. perhaps i'd be able to cook for my family! no more 'downstairs food' every night, that's something to look forward to. (that being said, i do crave a lot of 'downstairs food' right now, such as the ubiquitous chicken rice, curry chicken rice, (fu cheng) fishball noodles, laksa yongtaufu, you mee, roti prata, claypot rice, hokkien mee etc etc) it's too bad that our local cuisine can't be easily replicated at home. many times my korean housemate will see my friends and i (and recently, just myself) cooking chicken, and ask, 'is that singapore chicken or something'? we say, no, thinking in our heads the baizhanji/youji/shaoji which we can't make, and dearly miss. my other housemates, too, ask, so why don't you guys cook something singaporean? we can't, even if we tried we could only make a watered down version that would be too embarrassed to even be a shadow of the original.

back to dinner, a shower, and then hopefully i'd get some work done.

yevgeni plushenko, nyet!

2009-04-20T21:59:00.006+01:00

my jaw dropped when i saw this poster. my heart skipped a beat when i saw the date on the poster. i was in prague on 9 April. i dragged my friends around all over the city centre looking for the box office. the tourist information directed me to one box office, who directed me to another, and that one directed me to a tourist shop. i was going to give up hope, only when i stepped into the tourist shop, i saw the poster on the wall. i practically skipped to the counter.
'do you have tickets for tonight's plushenko show?'
'plushenko? -the staff have a conversation in czech- no, sorry, we're all sold out.'
'all?'
'yes, all sold out, sorry'
'even the one for 950 crowns?'
'sorry'

i cried. i sat outside the shops where my friends were shopping, and cried. i haven't been feeling good about the entire trip thus far, and i thought the plushenko performance was going to be a turning point in the trip. thought wrong. it was too much to bear, and i took it out on amos. i said many hurtful words to him, practically screaming out at him in my smses, as if it was his fault that plushenko was sold out. just thinking about how to describe my feelings for that day makes me think that nobody will ever understand how upset i was that afternoon; i can't express the intensity of emotion, and if i try to i would overdo it and people will think i was overreacting to the whole situation. perhaps you, reader, already think that im overreacting.

last night, my czech housemate, monica, came back, and i moaned to her about the whole plushenko incident. she told me that plushenko is pretty popular in her country (learnt that the hard way, didn't i) i was so glad that for once, someone actually knows who and what im talking about. she likes plushenko, she knows edvin marton the hungarian violinist who arranges the music for plushenko, she knows irina slutskaya and sasha cohen, she likes alexei yagudin, tara lipinski and stephan lambiel. it was a release to be able to talk, albeit briefly, about figure-skating and famous figure skaters with someone who appreciates them the way i do.

i would that i never saw that poster, sigh.

songs for a singaporean soul

2009-04-20T19:04:00.003+01:00

am really supposed to be doing my essay (due in less than 48hrs, but my word doc is blank), but feeling too homesick, really. shoulda chucked the research and spent the hours skyping my sister instead. been listening to some familiar songs on youtube, and kit chan's recent 'there's no place i'd rather be' takes on significance. and then there're those classics such as 细水长流 , 小人物的心声 (also check this anklung version out!)and who could ever forget home?

this turned up in the search..hilarious. wonder whether i know anyone inside. anyone knows little white boat? i played it in the angklung ensemble in primary school. sweet memories.

and finally, there's dick lee's Life Story to wrap things up. an everydayman's tale-
'i like to dream of things
i would have done if i were braver,
then again im not, what's there to do.'
im not making the most of my exchange, and i imagine that i may regret not having done more in my short stint here. i haven't actually learnt much about archaeology because i haven't done my readings; i backpacked around europe, the stuff of dreams, but didn't enjoy it; i sit in front of my computer failing to write the essay, rejecting my housemates' offer to hang out, when one should just heck the assignment because friendships are more important, and its not as if im making any progress anyway. there's something wrong with me.

i miss home.

a teacher's presence

2009-04-19T21:40:00.005+01:00

it's funny how teachers come back to you. whenever i cook for myself, i have mrs fernandez's merry voice singing at the back of my head, 'wash up as you go, girls, wash up as you go'. and so i do. i replayed mr tanu's e4 lessons while standing before the memorial for ww1 poets in westminster abbey. last week at berlin, as i queued in front of the reichstag, i could see ms audrey tan in my mind's eye describing animatedly the history of the weimar republic, hitler's rise to power, how he used the reichstag fire to put the communists out of the picture and so on. at checkpoint charlie and the once-drab and dreadful berlin wall, who could i think about but mr ngoei, marching up and down lt 6 telling us 'guys, the berlin wall went up in 1961, stop mixing it up with the berlin blockade'. a couple of nights ago i caught Woman in Black at the fortune theatre, and i quietly thanked mr woolhead and ms sng for introducing it to me.

i never realised before how deep an impression my teachers made on me, and i do feel guilty that i have returned much of their knowledge back to them. still, for someone who has failed history most of her life, im thankful for that small bit of memory retention.

sesame street

2009-03-13T15:57:00.003Z

just thought i'd share some fantastic sesame street videos...i had no idea they've revolutionized it!

Patti LaBelle teaching the alphabet - this is simply amazing, although i wonder whether a kid me would know how to appreciate it..hahaha

James Blunt singing a parody of his own song, which is so emo-ly funny.

this has gotta be the best...Andrea Bocelli sings Elmo to sleep. i love this!! really funny at the end too.

going to dublin tomorrow, which im not too excited about...after reading up about st pat's day, i realise that it's just another excuse for them to drink...and drink...and drink. hesitant about flying too. gah.

dear merlion

2009-03-03T01:08:00.002Z

i was sad to hear that our merlion has suffered injuries, but was sadder still to hear singaporeans commenting it is high time that the merlion is struck down for it is inauthentic and thus an embarrassment. my thoughts on the merlion have been penned into my poem, although perhaps i ought to 'update' with a new stanza '21' now. just reread my poem, and i had to laugh at this semi dejavu bit
'Wind, rain and public sentiment the only stuff
Paving your way to the dump.'
well, it was the lightning that did it.

i do think the merlion has hung around long enough to be included in the canon. after all, myths are constructed, as are many other things. so why pick this one out? there are many more poetic ways to describe the lightning-struck merlion. while some think that the merlion should be done away with, there are yet others who saw that the merlion literally saved people from the bolt of lightning, and thus describe the merlion as having bore the brunt of whatever hardship singapore is to undergo. (it's clearer in mandarin - 帮新加坡挡了一度灾难)

* * *
ntu's in the news now with the stabbing and the suicide. i wonder what it's like to be so obsessed with grades and fyp that would make anyone want to kill someone, including oneself.

how do you love?

2009-03-02T09:44:00.005Z

my cousin forwarded me an email, and there is a piece of advice which i find most pertinent.
'be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
how often it is that i complain, bitch, or otherwise am generally mean, when really i should be putting more effort into being nice.

my sister updates me about what happens at home, and, being so far away, my heart literally aches whenever i hear unsavoury news. i cried, but i don't know whether i cried because they are hurt, or for the more selfish reason that im not able to do anything. that being said, im not sure what i would have done even if i was in singapore...probably nothing at all. the distance makes all the difference.

but even as i was upset about what was going on, i chuckled to myself at the thought that if it were maternal relatives (save a select few) my sister was telling me about, i wouldn't give two hoots for their well-being, and that their misfortune would probably be good gossip/entertainment-material for my sister and i.

for if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? and if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
matthew 5:46-47

i have my reproach right there. nevertheless,

there are missing people, but if you are in the above photos, know that i love you, and am missing you a lot too.

happy founder's day!

2009-03-01T12:33:00.005Z

snowdrops are flowering in church. two weeks ago it was all gloomy and barren in the churchyard, this week there are white patches of snowdrops, and children were playing amongst the grave stones. i am reminded of oscar wilde's 'the selfish giant'.

i realise i haven't talked about my new church yet (or about anything else, in fact). before coming, mark introduced several churches to me, and in my first week here i decided to recee the nearest one. the church is within walking distance, but the wind was blowing hard, so i huddled myself and walked with my head down. i figured i was somewhere nearby, so i raised my head.

a graveyard greeted my eyes, and i started. after i got over the initial shock, i remembered that it's not uncommon after all. i should've known, since i read greyfriar's bobby (highly recommended btw, esp for dog-lovers) before coming out here. still, seeing a church in the middle of a cemetary and reading about it is quite different altogether. that night, i called mark and told him about the graveyard. he went 'HAHAHA...well, that means you found the church!' indeed.

and here's one for the snowdrops.

decided to wear my rbg to church today - a yellow shirt, an adidas sweater with red stripes, and my blue acband jacket. it turned out to be not such a great idea after all, because i was shivering my way to church and shivering back. still, it was fun doing it knowing that there are other people around the world wearing their rbg out today as well.

happy founder's day!

chalton down

2009-02-26T00:37:00.003Z

i have a group presentation in the morning, and i don't think i've ever been this unprepared before. i've only ever met my group once, at the museum last week, and we're just gonna have to wing it. i do not have a printer here (printing at the library is expensive), so i have to write my script out. but first, i need a script. darn it.

at least it's not graded, haha. im currently listening to Avro Part's De Profundis performed by Paul Hillier's Theatre of Voices. im glad that we moved away from medieval christian music, because it's creepy. not in the least comforting or exhortational as the familiar hymns and songs.

cider party in the house

2009-02-25T01:15:00.003Z

it's cassie's birthday (birthday week, rather), and we are having a cider party. im completely sober because for the first part of the party i was up in my room fixing up a last minute presentation, and by the time i got down, im not sure whether im in a house of drunk people or people pretending to be drunk. i think it's funny. im going back down because blogging is so no-life.

restless

2009-02-23T15:54:00.003Z

im sitting in the library 'doing research'. my readings look more like architecture notes than anything else and that bores me. i feel so restless! but, my books arrived in the mail and that makes me happy. imagine going back to a pile of parcels stacked neatly in front of the door. wouldn't that make you happy? my bank account's unhappy though.

a nice surprise was that, some of the books are new! i'd ordered the cheapest copies of them all, expecting to receive second/third-hand books, but only 2 looked used and old. and then there is the peter masters' book. it looks new, but it also looks as if it has been abandoned in the warehouse for a long time yet, it came dusty. i thought that was funny.

i'd better get back to the archae journals...

extraordinary valentine's

2009-02-15T22:26:00.004Z

i would've loved to spend valentine's day with yenn! but it was too expensive for her to come up and likewise for me to go down:( made a whirlwind decision to go to scarborough instead. the joke was...the bus journey there took 3.5hrs, we spent about 3 hours there, and took a 3.5hrs bus journey home. while at scarboro' grace checked with the bus driver whether the bus would take us back to hull, the bus driver chortled and said, 'hull? well, eventually!'

we had a romantic time by anne bronte's resting place, no less.